Being Brave

Today at gan we celebrated the birthday of Avigail. Back in January when the kids started having birthdays, I really wondered how Avigail would fare when her time came. She had six months to go, but at the time she almost always played on her own, barely said a word to anyone, and never approached the teachers for help if she was upset about something. The kids picked up on her vulnerability and made a game of sneaking up on her and roaring like lions. It was an important lesson for the kids to learn that it's not right to do something they know will make a friend upset. It was also ultimately good for Avigail. She had to learn to stick up for herself. The other thing that set Avigail apart from the other kids was that she couldn't jump. In general her fine and gross motor skills were well behind the other kids, but jumping is a big thing for little kids. It is also something each birthday boy and girl is called upon to do as part of their party in gan. Every Wednesday morning there is an exercise class with "Ariel HaGadol" (Big Ariel) as the kids call him (there is an Ariel in our class, as well as a Tamar, so Tamar the music teacher is "Tamar HaGedolah"). The class is wildly entertaining to watch. Ariel has the kids crawling like dogs, slithering like snacks, walking like monkeys and giraffes, and of course jumping like kangaroos. The kids go from one side of the room to the other. Avigail would be maybe one fifth there by the time the kids reached the other side, but Ariel was very patient and Avigail was extraordinarily determined. As for jumps, she did the movements but never quite got her feet off the ground.

The point of this story is... Avigail's determination always amazed me. She seemed totally oblivious to the comments and progress of the other kids. All she cared about was getting her feet off the ground. Then one day she did. For maybe a week she couldn't stop jumping. She was constantly hopping around the room and outside as if to keep reassuring herself that she could in fact do it. She's still really quiet. Her presence in gan is barely noticed. But when I do pay attention, I notice how much better she holds a paintbrush, how she quietly joins in the games of other kids, how she'll spend ten minutes getting two pieces of Lego together, and how she'll stand up for herself when another kid tries to grab a toy away from her.

I have mixed feelings about birthday parties at gan. Some kids just don't want to be in the center of attention. Even the most outgoing kids freak out and hide behind their parents when asked to get up and jump in the middle of the room. Then there was the kid who handled the pressure by climbing on tables. Today Avigail shined. We were all blown away. She sat confidently on the birthday chair in front of everyone, fully participated, and of course her jumps were spectacular. My mom likes to quote my grandfather, "be careful of those quiet ones." It's fun to think about what the kids are like now and what they will be like when they're older. Who will be the doctors and lawyers and who will work their way up in the Knesset. Whatever Avigail does I feel like she will do it slowly and quietly, but one day shock us all.

What's the moral of the story? Yes, Katamon is just like gan. Maybe I'll get to that part a little later. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was brave to move to Israel, I might be able to afford my rent. I guess they have a point. Moving so far away from everything and everyone was a big leap of faith and no small thing. But whatever, that part is done. When I think about being brave I think about how I finally called families and spoke to them in Hebrew about participating in my class' research project. I was reading off a script but it was absolutely terrifying. I was expected to get up to twenty families and I got five. Even that was exhausting. I'm lucky to have a professor who is an olah herself and was extremely encouraging even with my relatively minor success recruiting families. Another brave moment of the past few weeks was standing up to my coworkers. The fight is on for the most desirable hours for next year. I might be at the bottom of the pecking order, but that wasn't going to stop me from at least telling my boss what my requests were. My coworkers basically acted like babies but I stood up to them. Maybe I stood up to them in my far less than perfect Hebrew, but I did it. I let them ramble about so many things they think I should do differently but when it comes to how my time is going to be used, I wasn't going to let them get away with them anymore. I even told my boss on them :-)

I still have way too much to figure out and challenges to suck up and be brave about. Oh yeah, why Katamon is like gan (besides the obvious reasons)... well, lets just say I have now realized that when you finally manage to be comfortable in your own shoes and just be yourself being bold and brave comes naturally. No more faking it, no more games. Honesty is a pretty cool thing. Being honest with myself was a big one. Yeah, it's corny, I know. Deal with it.

I continue to learn so much from the kids at gan in the smallest ways. I look at them now and realize that woah, they have come such a long way, some of them in the least expected but most incredible ways, like Avigail. I have come a long way too, whether it was in baby steps, monkey steps, or giant kangaroo leaps.